I never got over the mistakes I’ve made.
At this point, I feel like I probably never will.
I can honestly say that I’ve grown from them. I’ve learned my lesson, and I’m working on repairing myself.
But I can’t say with full conviction that the choices I have made will cease to haunt me day in and day out, and while I’ve learned from my mistakes I haven’t been able to find a way of coping with them. They drive me crazy. I’ve lost that numb feeling and now that I’ve had to finally come to terms with myself all I can do is ache. I take classes, read books, listen to podcasts that are supposed to help me with this stuff, and yet at the end of the day or on nights like this when I’m by myself all I can do is sit there and contemplate every little thing, and then I’m back to square one.
All that can help me is time. Time and severe dedication.
At least, let’s hope it’ll help me.

POST DETAILS:
8 notes Posted on January/27/2012

POST NOTES:
  1. a-softer-shade-of-grey said: Oh, oh. My heart echoes your words so much. I wish I could help or make that familiar feeling at the end of the day less empty and futile :[ I wish I were in AZ so I could stalk-find your address and drive over and give you a giant hug. <3
  2. sexequalsfun said: I don’t know what happened but surrounding yourself with the people you love helps. Friends and famiily. Don’t let the little stuff get to you. Learn and grow to be a better person. Life is too short.
  3. brain-gateway said: Can I just hug you, or maybe just squeeze you so hard, till there’s a lack of blood flow to your head, rendering you incapable of producing proper thoughts, therefore not being able to think about those things that hurt you so often.
  4. captainswag said: I hope one day you’ll able to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Just remember that you can’t change what happened in the past. If you’ve learned lessons from them and are working on repairing yourself, then you’re doing the best you can.
  5. megandear posted this